शरहद...

     "आज यहाँ पे आये हुए १ साल हो गए।दिन यहाँ बहुत लम्बा गुज़रता है। आने से पहले तुमने मुझसे एक वादा माँगा था और मेरी ख़ामोशी को मेरा जवाब मानते हुए कहा था, की तुम इंतज़ार करोगी। काश उस वक़्त में तुम्हे मना कर पाता। बड़े ताक़त से तुम्हारे सवाल का जवाब अपने अंदर छुपाया था।तुम्हारे इस ज़िद से लड़ने की ताक़त कहाँ से जुटा ता में? पर एक बात ये भी थी की कहीं न कहीं मेरे अंदर भी एक उम्मीद थी, के शायद में लौट के आऊँ।

    ये जगह बहुत ही खूबसूरत है।यहाँ हम २० लोग कैंप में, एक परिवार की तरह रहते हैं। बहुत ठंडी जगह है ये।कभी कभी -६० तक temperature पहुँच जाता है। बयान नहीं कर सकता हूँ, ऐसी जगह है ये। यहाँ तुम अपनी ख़ामोशी सुन सकते हो।यहाँ बस हवाएं ही बातें करती है। मानो उन्ही को  हक़ है कुछ भी करने का।न उन्हें शरहद का मलाल है, न ही दुश्मनों की परवाह।दूर दूर तक बस  वादियां, सफ़ेद बर्फ से ढकी हुई। जहाँ नज़र फिराओ, बस सफ़ेद चादरें, और बड़े बड़े पहाड़।मनो हमें देख के कह रहे हो: 

   तुमने मुझसे कहा था की चिठी भेजता रहूँ। शायद यही एक चीज़ तुम्हारी उम्मीद को जगाये रखती की हम फिर मिलेंगे। सच कहूँ तो मैंने न जाने कितनी चिट्ठियां लिखी है, पर भेजने की हिम्मत नहीं हुई। पर आज पता नहीं क्यों लिखने का मन किया। माँ के गुज़र जाने के बाद कुछ था भी तो नहीं वहां जाने को। और तुम्हे वहां देख के शायद लौट के नहीं आ पाता। अब मुझे नहीं पता के में कब वापस आऊंगा।शायद न भी आऊँ। अभी तो तुम्हारी शादी भी हो गयी होगी।अब यही मेरा प्रायश्चित है, और यही तुम्हारा प्रतिशोध।

    और कुछ लिखने का हक़ में खो चूका हूँ। कभी हो सके तो मुझे माफ़ कर देना। समझ लेना एक कमजोर इंसान से प्यार कर बैठी थी तुम।"

(१० साल बाद एक फौजी का शब मिला . ये चिठी  उसके  pocket  में थी. सियाचेन में लापता होने के एक रात पहले लिखी थी।)

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(१० साल पहले, उसी शाम किसी ने अपनी diary में कुछ लिखा था।)

   "आज का दिन बहुत अच्छा था। बच्चो ने तो जिद ही पकड़ ली थी, की कहानी सुने बगैर नहीं जाएंगे।अब में भी क्या करती? सब कहते हैं की मेने बच्चो को बिगाड़ रखा है। इस लिए मेरे सिवा किसीकी बात नहीं मानते। बहुत प्यारे हैं ये। रोज़ अगर न देखूं तो दिन ही नहीं शुरू होता।


    तुम्हे याद है, हमने भी कभी ये सपना देखा था? पर में जानती थी इतना आसान नहीं था कुछ।मेरे और तुम्हारे बीच जो अमीरी और गरीबी की शरहद थी, वह तुम्हे हमेशा दिखाई देती थी।और जब पिताजी ने मुझे भूल जाने को कहा तो तुमने उनकी बात रखते हुए ये फैसला लिया।तुम्हे पता था की मुझ पे उनका हक़ ज्यादा बनता है। कमजोर नहीं थे तुम, पर मुझे टूटता हुआ नहीं देखना चाहते थे। शायद इस लिए मेरे सवाल का जवाब नहीं दिया था तुमने।

    मैंने एक बार पूछा था तुमसे, की अगर तुम फ़ौज में भर्ती नहीं होते , तो क्या करते।बड़े ही मासूमियत से कहा था तुमने , दूर सिक्किम की पहाड़ियों में, शरहद के पास एक गाँव है, जहाँ बचें स्कूल नहीं जा पाते हैं। तुम वहां पढ़ाना चाहते थे। ज़िन्दगी तो नहीं बाँट सकी, तुम्हारा सपना बाँट लिया मैंने। मैंने शादी नहीं की।घर से लड़ पड़ी। आज में यहाँ, हरे सफ़ेद पहाड़ों के बीच इस गाँव में पढ़ाती हूँ। तुम्हारे साथ नहीं, पर तुम्हारे सपने को जी रही हूँ।कोई शिकायत नहीं है अभी। न ही उम्मीद कम हुई है।मुझे यकीन है , तुम आओगे। और में इंतज़ार कर रही हूँ।में यहीं मिलूंगी तुमको।तुम्हारे सपने के साथ।"

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Graphite

नूर की चादर

Nathhu..

He  knows somewhere in his heart that he can not return from where he is headed.

”If possible and if God is on my side, my ashes will find their way to the waters of the holy river of Sindhu.”

All the incidents that had propelled him to choose this path, came to his mind again, to remind him the purpose.  

"Is it the right thing I am doing? Why can’t there be another way? History will never forgive me after what I am going to commit today, but I would rather die doing this, than to live without doing anything for my motherland"- He thought.

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Nathhu’s real name was Ramachandra. He was born and brought up in a good brahmin middle class family. All the boys that were born to his parents prior to him died in their infancy. His parents thought it to be a curse that was killing the male children and with that fear in mind, they brought up Nathhu as a girl for some years. They even had his nose pierced and being made to wear a nose-ring (nath in Marathi). It was then that he earned the nickname .After his younger brother was born, he was treated as a boy again.

As a young blood, he witnessed that dark day, when a scar was put on the chest of his motherland. This accrued immense hatred in his mind. He was among those who wished for an un-devided India. “There was never a single person who brought independence. So no single person or group can decide the fate of 33 lakh Indians” – he always told.

 Nathhu saw the carnage that the freedom brought which left thousands of people dead and homeless. He thought he needed to do something to stop it. That was when his destiny changed forever. He drifted towards a path he had never imagined for himself. In youth, anger can result in huge crimes, even for the pettiest of reasons. And this reason had it all. He was neither ashamed of doing it nor afraid of it’s consequences. Because he knew deep down that this was the only road to salvation for him.

Failing in his first attempt, he finally succeeded to deliver bullets on Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi 's chest three times at point-blank range. The date was 30th January 1948  at 5:15PM. That was perhaps the last time he was a little doubtful about what he was doing.

Nathuram Vinayakrao Godse was hanged on 15 November 1949 (aged 39). People say an insane person killed Gandhi. Some say he had many reasons to do it. I personally feel, if he had to do it and if he felt it to be really important, he should have done it before August 14.

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 “I have no doubt that had the audience of that day been constituted into a jury and entrusted with the task of deciding Godse’s appeal, they would have brought in a verdict of ‘not guilty’ by an overwhelming majority”.

 - Justice G D Khosla (Involved in the Gandhi murder case trial

आखरी पन्ना..

ट्रैन 5 मिनट छूटने वाली थी. अमन हमेशा की तरह टाइम  पे स्टेशन पे पहुँच गया था और अपने सीट पे बैठ गया था. 24 घंटे की journey थी Bangalore से Bhubaneswar. अमन वहाँ office के ट्रेनिंग के काम पे गया था. 2 हफ्ते कैसे गुजरे पता ही नहीं चला. Bangalore घूमने का प्लान भी बनाया था आखरी कुछ दिनो में, पर अब उसका भी टाइम  नहीं हे. Bhubaneswar ऑफिस में join करना है जल्द से जल्द. हमेशा की तरह उस ने कुछ बिस्कुइट्स और फ्रूट्स खरीद लिया है. ट्रैन का un-hygienic खाना नहीं खाना है पुरे सफर में. निचले बर्थ में उसका रिजर्वेशन हे. बस एक रात की बात है. वैसे भी ट्रैन जर्नी बहुत बोरिंग लगती है उसको. और upper berth में सो भी नहीं सकता. पता नहीं किसका हो वहाँ रिजर्वेशन. आज ट्रैन में भीड़ कुछ कम लग रही है.

अमन अपने mp3 player में गाने सुन ने लगा. थका हुआ था. इस लिए आँख बंद करके थोड़ी झपकी भी ले ली. तभी अचानक एक लड़की बड़ा सा trolly bag लेके आई. उस से वह भारी बैग मुश्किल से खिंचा जा रहा था. जैसे तैसे उसने अपना बैग सीट के निचे डाल के बैठ गयी. अमन की आँखें अचानक खुली. उसको यकीन ही नहीं हुआ की वह निशा थी. पुरे 4 साल बाद मिल रहे थे दोनों. निशा ने भी शायद पहचान लिया था उसको.

दोनों ने ग्रेजुएशन साथ में  किया था. एक ही क्लास में थे, पर कभी बात नहीं हुई, न दोस्ती . उसकी एक वजह ये भी थी, की अमन के दिल में निशा के लिए feelings थी हमेशा. पर कभी बता नहीं पाया. ये बात शायद उसके अलावा और किसीको नहीं पता थी. कॉलेज के वह दिन फिर से सामने आने लगे. Graduation के आखरी दिन, अमन के रोने की वजह एक यह भी थी की वो अपनी दिल की बात नहीं कह पाया कभी उसे. अब उसको पूरी ज़िन्दगी इसी अफ़सोस के साथ जीना था.

" निशा आज भी वैसे ही दिखती है. बिलकुल नहीं बदली. आज भी वही सादगी और मासूमियत. श्रृंगार के नाम पे बस एक काली बिंदी और दो छोटे से झुमके वाले ear-rings. बस बाल थोड़े लम्बे रखती है आज कल. कॉलेज में तो बहुत छोटे बाल थे. बिलकुल गुड़िया जैसी लगती थी. अब थोड़ी मोटी भी  हो गयी है. पर में भी तो बदल गया हूँ. दाढ़ी बढ़ा लिया है. क्या मुझे वह पहचानती भी है. काश आज ट्रिम करके आता.शायद पहचान लेती. कॉलेज में तो कभी देखती भी नहीं थी मेरी तरफ."- नजाने ऐसे कितनी बातें सोचने लगा था अमन.

2 घंटे इसी सोच में गुजर गए, और पता भी नहीं चला. निशा ऐसे बैठी है जैसे पेहेचान ही नहीं पायी हो अमन को. अपने हाथ में Dan Brown की किताब लेके पढ़ने में busy है. अमन ने अपनी ज़िन्दगी में कभी नहीं सोचा था की फिर मुलाकात होगी और वह भी इस तरह. शायद आज मौका मिला है अपने दिल की बात कहने को. पर कहे भी तो कैसे. कॉलेज में  पुरे 4 साल में नहीं कह पाया. आज भी उसकी हिम्मत में कुछ इजाफा नहीं हुआ है. "कम से कम बात तो कर ही सकता हूँ. शायद वह मुझे पेहेचान ले."- ये सोच के अमन ने थोड़ी हिम्मत दिखाई.

अमन: Hi..

(निशा शायद सुन नहीं पायी.)

अमन: Hi, निशा.

(निशा ने अपने ऊपर से किताब का पर्दा हटाया.)

निशा: Hi.. You are अमन, Right? मुझे लगा था तुम ही हो. पर तुम इतने बदल गए हो की I thought कोई और होगा.

अमन: Ohh, It’s OK.. तुमने आखिर में पहचान तो लिया.

निशा: Ohh, C’mon. में नहीं भूलती. वैसे 4 साल हो गए हैं न? क्या दिन थे वह कॉलेज के.

अमन: हाँ. I miss those days too.

निशा: तुम तो बस पढाई में ही busy रहते थे. एक क्लास भी बंक नहीं करते थे. Mass-bunk में भी तुम कॉलेज जाते थे. पूरे पढ़ाकू.

अमन: इतना भी नहीं था जितना लोग बोलते थे. मुझे कॉलेज जाना पसंद था. सारे दोस्त वहीँ पे थे.

निशा: और बताओ. कहाँ हो अभी? और क्या चल रहा है लाइफ में?

अमन: अभी तो वहीँ हूँ. TCS में. ट्रेनिंग के सिलसिले में आया था Bangalore 2 हफ्ते के लिए. अब जा रहा हूँ. तुम ??

निशा: मेने TCS छोड़ दिया और MBA करके अभी Axis बैंक में हूँ. अभी तो फिलहाल छूटी में जा रही हूँ घर.

अमन: Wow. That’s good.

(ऐसे ही बात करते करते रात होने को आया. निशा का upper berth था.)

अमन: तुम चाहो तो निचे वाले berth में सो सकती हो. वैसे भी तुम्हारा बैग निचे है. में ऊपर सो जाता हूँ.

निशा: Ohh. That’s so nice of you. Thanks. तुम dinner नहीं करोगे क्या?

अमन: नहीं में train का खाना खाता नहीं हूँ. I have some biscuits and fruits.

निशा: यह भी कोई dinner खाना हुआ? I have parathaas. Actually roomy नै कुछ ज्यादा ही दे दिया है. We can share.

अमन: (शर्माते हुए ) नहीं नहीं.. It’s fine. मेरी तो आदत ही है ऐसा dinner करने की.

निशा: तो फिर बदलो ये आदत. Let me guess. तुम्हे खाना पकाना आता नहीं होगा. राइट?

अमन: बिलकुल.. मुझे Maggie बनाना आता हैं. और चाय और कॉफ़ी भी बना लेता हूँ.

(निशा हसने लगी.)

निशा: मेने ऐसे ही नहीं guess किया. मुझे याद है  कॉलेज में तुमने कभी कहा था की तुम्हे खाना पकाना नहीं आता. शायद truth and dare game मैं.

अमन: ओह्.. तुम्हे अभी भी याद है?

निशा: Like I said, मैं नहीं भूलती. But I must say, Nice improvement. In 4 years you have learnt how to prepare Maggie, tea and coffee. Good.

अमन: तुम अब भी Novels पढ़ती हो? में तो इतनी मोटी किताब देख के ही डर जाता हूँ.

निशा: मुझे बहुत पसन्द हे पढ़ना. कुछ कहानी के किरदार दिलचस्प होते हैं और कुछ  कहानी का अंत.

अमन: Ohh, interesting. पर किस टाइप की कहानी ज्यादा पसंद हे तुमको?

निशा: कभी कभी किसी किताब के आखरी पन्ने में पता चलता हे, की पूरी कहानी क्या है. I love those kind of stories and novels.

अमन: वाह, क्या बात कही है!!

(डिनर के बाद दोनों अपनी अपनी berth में सोने चले गए )

अमन को रात भर नींद कहाँ आने वाली थी. उसने कभी सोचा भी नहीं था की इतनी सारी बातें कभी वह कर पायेगा निशा से. काश वह इतनी हिम्मत कर लेता कॉलेज में  तो कम से कम तब दोस्ती कर पाता. अब तो ये 24 घंटे की journey जो उसे कभी लम्बी लगी थी, अब उसे काम लग रही है. फिर पता नहीं मुलाकात हो भी के नहीं. अमन के दिल में अब भी कहीं किसी कोने में वह प्यार है. पर कह नहीं सकता. उसने रात भर हिम्मत करके अपने दिल की बात एक कागज़ पे लिख दिया.

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Hi, निशा. 

Please.. मुझे गलत मत समझना. में हमेशा से तुमसे एक बात कहना चाहता था. पर कभी हिम्मत नहीं हुई. आज इतने सालों बाद मुझे नहीं लगता की हमारा मिलना कोई इत्तेफ़ाक़ है. में कॉलेज से ही तुमसे प्यार करता हूँ. पर कभी बोल नहीं पाया. पहले तो सोचा की वह  बचपना था मेरा. पर सच कहूँ तो कहीं किसी कोने में पता था, की मेरा दिल सही था. 4 साल से इसी अफ़सोस के साथ रहा हूँ की तुमसे ये बात नहीं कह पाया. आज सुकून मिला है. ये ज़रूरी नहीं की तुम भी मुझे पसंद करो. शायद तुम मुझे ठीक से जानती भी नहीं. और अपना  जीवन साथी चुनने का तुम्हे पूरा हक़ है. तुम बहुत अच्छी लड़की हो. में  दुआ करूँगा की तुम ज़िन्दगी में वह सब मुकाम हासिल करो जो तुम चाहती हो. सादगी एक ऐसी चीज़ होती है जो किसी किसी को ही मिलती है. बहुत कम होते हैं जो इसको समझ पाते हैं. तुममे आज भी वह सादगी है जो पहले थी. इसे यूँ ही बरकरार रखना और कभी मत बदलना अपने आप को.

और एक बात.. मुझे खाना पकाना आता है, अच्छी तरह से. वह तो मेने ऐसे ही मजाक में मान लिया के नहीं आता, क्यों की तब तुम हस रही थी.

~ अमन ~

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अमन ने अपना कांटेक्ट नंबर नहीं लिखा उसमे. बस दिल की बात ही तो कहनी थी. अब जवाब सुनने की हिम्मत कहा थी उसको? उस कागज़ का अब  करना क्या है, वो भी नहीं सोचा था.

(अगले दिन सुबह ट्रैन Brahmapur पहुँच चुकी थी. 5 मिनट का हॉल्ट था वहां पे.)

निशा: मेरा स्टेशन आ गया. Could you help me with my luggage, please?

अमन: Off course.

अमन को इसी पल से डर था. फिर आज वह वही मुक़ाम पे खड़ा है जहाँ 4 साल पहले था. और आज भी वह हिम्मत नहीं है बोलने की. पर इस मुलाकात को वह ऐसे बे-मायने नहीं होने दे सकता. उसे कोई परवाह नहीं निशा का जवाब क्या होगा अब. पर बाकि ज़िन्दगी वह अपने आपसे ये पूछ के नहीं जी सकता की एक बार उस ने हिम्मत क्यों नहीं की. ट्रैन छूटने से पहले अमन ने निशा को उसका ट्राली बैग थमाते हुए कहा- "तुमसे मिलके अच्छा लगा.". निशा का बस एक ही जवाब था- "मुझे भी.".

ट्रैन Brahmapur स्टेशन छोड़ चुकी थी. 3 घंटे बाद Bhubaneswar स्टेशन आ जायेगा. पर इस बार अमन के चेहरे पे अफसोश या ग़म नहीं था, बल्कि एक सुकून था. उसने हिम्मत करके वह कागज़ निशा के ट्रॉली बैग के ऊपर वाली चैन के अंदर डाल दिया था.

अपने seat पे लौट के अमन पुरे रास्ते वही मुलाकात के बारे में सोचने लगा. Bhubaneswar स्टेशन पे ट्रैन पहुँच चुकी थी. अमन अपने हैंड बैग उठा के निकल ही रहा था की उसको अपना बैग थोड़ा हैवी लगा. ट्रैन से उत्तर के वह देखता है की उसके बैग में वही Dan Brown की किताब है जो निशा पढ़ रही थी. उस ने सोचा - "गलती से अपनी किताब भूल गयी. अब में इसको कैसे लौटाऊँ?? पर गलती से छूट गया होता तो मेरे बैग में क्यों डालती?". अमन बैग लेके ऑटो स्टैंड की तरफ बढ़ने लगा. कुछ वक़्त पहले जहाँ उसके दिल में एक सुकून था. अब वह समझ नहीं पा रहा है उस किताब का क्या करे. स्टेशन से घर तक का रास्ता अभी वही सवाल के साथ तय करना था.

रात को अंगड़ाइयां लेते हुए अमन ने वह मुलाक़ात का एक एक लम्हा याद किया . तकिये के पास Dan Brown की वही किताब को देखते हुए उसने सोचा -

 "वक़्त भी अजीब होता है. जब हम चाहते हैं की ये थम जाए, ये और तेज भागता है. बाद में वही पल यादों के सहारे आतें हैं, अकेले सोच पे अपनी दस्तक देते हैं. ज़िन्दगी भी किताब की तरह है. कुछ बड़ी, कुछ छोटी. सब अपने अपने हिस्से के पन्नो के साथ. हर किताब में कई चैप्टर्स. जैसे ज़िन्दगी के आखरी पड़ाव पे कोई अफसोश नहीं रहना चाहिए, वैसे ही किताब के आखरी पन्ने पे कोई कहानी अधूरी नहीं छूटनी चाहिए. तब बनती है एक perfect कहानी."

अचानक अमन को कुछ याद आया..

उसने लाइट्स ओन किया और वह किताब पर झपटा, जैसे कोई बच्चा झपटता हे नए खिलोनो पे. निशा ने एक बात कही थी, जो उस को याद आ गयी थी - "कभी कभी किसी किताब के आखरी पन्ने में पता चलता हे, की पूरी कहानी क्या है." आखरी पन्ना खोला तो उसे यकीन नहीं हुआ. वहां  निशा ने कुछ लिखा था-

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Hi.. 

तुमसे मिलके अच्छा लगा. कॉलेज की कुछ यादें ताज़ा हो गयी. उन यादों में एक बात ऐसी भी थी जो मेने अपने जेहेन में कहीं छुपा के रख्खी थी. काश हम दोस्त हो पाते उस वक़्त, तो हिम्मत कर के कह देती. एक लड़की चाहे कैसी भी हो, कभी न कभी वो अपने दिमाग में अपने जीवन साथी की एक तस्वीर बना के रखती है. मेरी thinking बहुत ही simple हैं. में अपने जीवन साथी में कुछ खूबी ढूंढ़ती हूँ जो मुझे तुम में नज़र आती है. आज इतने सालों बाद भी तुम वही सख्स हो, जानके अच्छा लगा. वैसे कॉलेज में तुम इतने ठीक नहीं दीखते थे, जैसे अब दीखते हो. बस अपनी दाढ़ी थोड़ी ट्रिम किया करो.

और एक बात. मेरे घर में शादी के लिए लड़का ढूंढ़ना शुरू कर दिए हैं. अगर तुम्हारे दिल में भी मेरे लिए वही फीलिंग्स हे, तो में अपना नंबर दे रही हूँ. अगर नहीं हे, तो दोस्त बन के तो रह ही सकते हैं.

~ निशा ~

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सपना..

एक अधूरा सपना है,

फिर आज रात देखना है.

एक डर के साथ,

कि कहीं टूट न जाए.

बड़ी सिद्दत से पाला है इसे,

एक नादान सपना..

रोज रात चाँद के तकिये पे,

सर टिका के देखते हैं.

तारों के भीड़ में छुपता हुआ,

जब बादल करवट लेता है.

बस एक रात में सिमटा हुआ,

एक अधूरा सपना है..

परी के जैसी मासूम है,

और पानी के जैसा साफ़.

कभी बच्चे कि तरह जिद्दी,

तो कभी किस्मत कि तरह नाराज़.

बंद आँखों के दरारों से,

हर रात ये सपना झांकती है..

शायद यही वोह सपना है,

जो पूरा न हो तो अच्छा है.

एक सूकून है इसके दामन में,

जेसे माँ कि गोद में मिलता है.

टूटे रोशनदानो सा,

ये मेरा अधूरा सपना है..

रात कि खामोशियाँ..

वह पल..

अक्श..

आज एक भिकारी से मुलाक़ात हुई.
फटे पुराने कपड़ो में, हाथ में कटोरा लिए.

फूटपाथ में बैठा, अपने ही धुन में डूबा था वो.
उन झुर्रियों भरे चेहरे पे, मुस्कान लिए.

लोग आते, जाते...कुछ पैसे डाल जाते.
न परवाह , न उम्मीद, कुछ पाने के लिए.

बड़ी मुद्दत से ऐसी हसी , न देखि थी हमने.
आखरी बार जब ऐसे हसे थे हम... वो पल याद किये.

सब कुछ तो है, पर वो खुसी क्यों नहीं?
तरसते क्यूँ है ज़िंदगी भर ग़म  का खज़ाना लिए?

कभी पाने कि चाह, कभी खोने का डर,
कभी देखा नहीं,  एक एक पल गुज़रते हुए.

जब कभी यूँ थक के रुके, तो सोचने लगे.
बहुत दूर आ गए यूँ चलते हुए.

जब अकेले में आईने से रुबरु हुए,
अक्श ने कहा, "बड़ी देर हुई  हमें मिले हुए".

आज फिर एक भिकारी से मुलाक़ात हुई.
फटे पुराने कपड़ो में, हाथ में कटोरा लिए.

Does LOVE happen ?

Holidays were over. Results were out. Now there was excitement. The excitement of going to the college. The stage in life where you become a young man from a boy. Many things change in this small time span. And we don’t find time to realize.

Harsh was feeling the same. "How will be the college? Will there be the same restrictions that we used to have in school? And yes, there will be many new faces, new friends. The next two years will be full of surprises for sure".

Long before the classes in college started, there were various coaching-centers that used provide free demo coaching classes. Harsh also used attend them with his friends, to have a feel what the next two years would have in them. That was the first class. They were sitting and watching new faces coming in. Some known, many unknown. He was a bit tensed, or in a better way to explain, confused. The class was about to begin. Many students have entered the class now.

Suddenly she enters. A girl with an unusual glow on her face. It seemed like the innocence from  her childhood had forgotten to leave. She quietly entered and sat. The lecturer came and gave a preview of the syllabus that will be covered in next 2 years. After the class the friends discussed how boring the class was. Harsh had a different thought. He was not able to get her face out of his mind. His best friend, Mohit figured it out easily. He asked “What’s in your mind?” Harsh replied: ”Nothing yaar. Just can’t get her out of my mind. She was so simple.” Mohit understood  Harsh’s feeling and said “ I know her. She is Akankhya.”. That was the first day Harsh knew her. He saw her in many such demo classes. All he hoped was she joins the college there.

That was the first day in college. Hundreds of new faces were to be seen that day. 12th batch of newcomers were divided into two sections. Harsh was sad because he was put in different section from Mohit. For next 2 years he will be alone in a group  of 120 students. He hardly knew anyone there. So he went and sat in 2nd last line. He observed boys and girls coming to the class one by one. It was full of chaos. He felt nervous. Suddenly among all these things, Harsh saw someone. The atmosphere was engulfed by an unusual silence. It was her, entering the class. Not only him, every other guys who saw her for the first time were mesmerized by the glow of her face and her simplicity. As always her face was down. She was not making eye contact with anyone. That quality of her, that innocence, Harsh din't even realize he was smiling. “She is here in my section. For next 2 years. God, you are too good”. At the end of that day Harsh saw her leaving the college with her bi-cycle. He din’t know what that feeling was. “Love does not happen at this age. I am just thinking too much”, he told to himself. He had no idea what is there ahead for this “Not-Love-But” feeling.

After that day, every day in college was a new excitement for Harsh. He would go to college wishing she would come. Just to ensure he did not miss any day that may have a possibility of her coming to college, he  used to attend college almost every day. The chances of seeing her were more in  the lab classes. There was a strict policy of attending the lab classes which she used to attend. There was that incident in one of the Zoology labs. Harsh was there before time. She came with her friends and since the lab was not open till then, all were waiting outside. Harsh was looking at her from distance. Suddenly she looked at him.  There was a pause of half a second when both of them were looking at each other. Harsh moved his eyes somewhere else. He felt so discomposed that he never dared to look at her eyes again.

There was one day when Harsh was not able to attend the college as he was suffering from high fever. His friend Mohit came running to him and said “You are here? She has come to college today. Hurry up.” Harsh dint think anything else. As if his fever was gone somewhere. He rushed to the college to attend the Botany lab that day. He was sitting in the front row and was shivering with fever. Almost feeling sleepy there, he was keeping his head down and all he could see was her feet and sandal. That was enough for him to feel good at that time.

There were exams and those days were very interesting. Harsh and Mohit would go to college early, to check the sitting arrangements. Harsh always hoped, she sat in the same exam hall as him. There was not much gap between their roll numbers too. But the arrangements kept on changing each day and Harsh had to ensure where she  was sitting and how far from him. Whenever he found her sitting too far and other  not so good guys sitting beside her, he with the help of Mohit, used to stick chewing gum on the tables of those guys. It was too funny to see their reactions when they came to sit on that desk. There was only one occasion when Harsh could not believe his luck as he got a chance to sit near her and on the same bench. He knew that day will never come again as the sitting arrangement would again change next day. But it din’t happen. For all 4 days of exam he sat on the same long bench beside her. She used come and then Harsh had to get up to allow her to sit beside him. She was sitting on the right and for the whole 3 hours of exam, Harsh wished it never ended. That was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to him in college life. He lived every moment of it.

Harsh had only one complain. She used to bunk too many classes. Mohit told him, “She must be studying at home. She is a good student”. Harsh replied, “Is it? I wish she does well in final exam. But she would never score more than me.” Even the rarest days when she used come to college, some of those classes were cancelled because of occasional strikes. Once such incident occurred and Harsh was too sad. He stood on the college field and saw her leaving for home as classes were cancelled. He stood there till she was not visible. “Why am I doing this? This is unusual. I don’t even know her. How can it be love”, he asked himself many times.

Akankhya never used to chat with boys in college. She would come with her friends and leave when classes were over. She was different from every other girl there. She was one of her kind. This thing Harsh liked very much. He could never remember the faces of the friends around her, because he rarely could get his eyes off her.

2 years passed like 2 months. The days of final exam came and everyone was busy for it. Harsh had two regrets. Soon this glorious years of college life will end and secondly, he had screwed up his Math-1 paper. It was funny that the second reason actually made him cry. He had to do well in Math-2 to get a decent score in total. Math-2 exam was on the last day. Just before the exam started, when Harsh  saw Akankhya , he forgot his tension for some time. He told to himself, “If the exam goes well, I will go and talk to her for the first time. I will ask her how was her Math-2 paper. This much I can do.”. By god’s grace, the paper went well. The final bell rang and everyone started leaving the hall. “Now it’s time to go and talk to her as I had decided.”. Harsh got up and started walking towards her desk before she would leave. Suddenly he saw another guy went to her and started talking. Harsh stopped there and thought “If I go now and talk to her, what will be the difference between that guy and me? She also may feel bad about me. She may not like talking to strangers”. That was the last day of theory exams and he knew in Lab tests he will not be able to see her again as they had different slots. “So it all ends here. 2 years, 30 lab classes, 121 incidents of seeing that face in college and half a second of eye contact. It all ends here.”- Harsh thought to himself. He was not sad, but the feeling was unusual. He never wanted to actually feel that he was in love. His opinion was quite clear. “I will never give commitment to anyone till I get a job. First I need to have my own identity”. So what was happening at that time in his mind and heart? A boy at the age of 17, there is no way one can describe that feeling. He may be thinking “I wish I could be a friend of her in this time so that we might have known each other well. At least I can have a name to this feeling.”

The last attempt that Harsh did was to ask one of his friends, a girl, to tell Akankhya about his feelings. That was probably the stupidest thing he could think of at that time as he knew he might never see Akankhya again. But thankfully that friend of him could not tell her. So That was the end of that story. It should have been at least.

The final results for the exams were out and Harsh had scored more than Akankhya as he had told to himself once. Though he did not have this thing in mind then. In fact that was first time actually he felt the pain that he may not see her again. There was one incident that was too special for Harsh. After one month of college days over, It was his birth day. As always he was not celebrating it. Rather he went to the temple that day. After the prayer when he opened his eyes, he saw her. He could not believe it was her. Akankhya was there in the temple with her father. He thought he got the biggest birthday gift from god that day.

Time did not wait after college. In fact it ran  faster. Nine years have been passed now. Today Harsh has a job. He has many friends and he is happy the way his life is going. But sometimes when he sits alone and thinks about her, the day when he saw her for the first time and the last time, her beautiful eyes and that black “bindi” on her forehead. He smiles at some of his feelings and becomes emotional at some of the feelings that he had at that time. Till now he has not got his answer. “Was it love? How can someone love somebody without being a friend of her. It was her simplicity , decency and innocence that all I could figure out. But were these traits enough to seriously thinking someone to be a life partner?  And are we that matured at the age of 16-17 to fall in love with someone?”

He can search for her, know her, start from the point where it was left. But he is not doing this. May be, he is not willing to give a chance to that boy who took 2 years to realize it was love and then it was not. “That boy is still standing there at that stage of his life. Let him stand there. May be in next life he will get her”- He concludes.

The Untold Legend of The "Adwaita"

         In 285 BC, Kalinga was a small state where people believed in democracy instead of Rajdharma, which was in a way a unique thing at that time in India. “Adwaita” was a clandestine group led by Guru Birupaksha, the only man at that time who was believed know the secret of the 8th weapon of “Ast-astra Vidya”.

         No one clearly guesses the origin, but the legend of “Ast-astra Vidya” is believed to be from 370 BC. There existed a King, who was believed to be unconquerable at his time and had conquered many parts of India. He had kept an army full of men having great knowledge of warfare tactics and hand to hand combats. What made him a great fighter was the knowledge of a unique art called “Ast-astra Vidya”. It was the knowledge of 8 weapons that he mastered the usage of. The 8th weapon, which he never used was believed to be the invisible one. The queen used to worship “Choushathi Jogini” (64 yoginis/goddesses), before each war expedition of the King. It was believed that, the goddesses had given this art of “Ast-astra Vidya” as boon which was the reason, the King was undefeated.

        He knew after his rule, Kalinga will be weak as a power and will be attacked by outside forces. He created a clandestine group called “Adwaita” which had 8 members who guarded the secrets of the skills of 8 weapons. The group members were always scattered and were united only when it was required to pass the knowledge to successive eligible persons, but gradually the members did not abide to the purpose of the knowledge and got scattered all over India except for one. He was the 8th Guru who had kept the biggest secret with him, the knowledge of the invisible 8th weapon. According to some, this weapon was generated by some hymns which had many heavy and light syllables of Sanskrit in it. Guru Birupaksha is the son of that 8th master. He has not forgotten the purpose of the group and still leads this “Adwaita” group where he teaches various ancient weapon tactics to his students. He has these students who will be once a part of the army that will protect Kalinga from the outside attackers.

        Everyone knew that the secret learning of the 8th weapon will be given to the student who will prove himself to be worthy of it by winning the series of competitions involving usage of various weapons. Guru Birupaksha has two students in mind whom he thought to be eligible. Sidhartha and Mauryabhan. The former had excelled the weapon “Bow and Arrow” while the later had no match in “Sword”.

        Sidhartha and Mauryabhan were not best friends. But they used to interact a lot about the skills, about the weapons that they were learning. Sidhartha was part of the group since he was a child when he came to know about this from his father, who was also a member of “Adwaita”. After his death, Guru Birupaksha treated him as his child and thought he would once be the worthy of the knowledge of the invisible weapon. Mauryabhan was never a part of the group till he was found severely wounded at a river bank by Guru Birupaksha and his disciples. He could remember nothing about his past at that time. It has been 1 year since Mauryabhan is in the group and he has excelled all the skills to match up to the level Sidhartha.

        Both Sidhartha and Mauryabhan think each other as competition. While Sidhartha is the favourite among all the other students, Guru Birupaksha liked Mauryabhan more as within just one year he has excelled in the skills. Mauryabhan had once saved the life of Sidhartha when he was attacked by a snake in the forest. From that day Sidhartha was indebted to him. He used to say: “Mauryabhan, I am indebted to you for my life”. Deep inside both were competing against each other to excel the skills being taught there. That was perhaps the only thing common in them. Or maybe not.

        Birupaksha had a daughter whom he loved more than his life. Her name was Karuvaki. She was very beautiful and apart from that, she was also the member of the group. Sidhartha was in love with her but never felt the courage in him to tell. But Karuvaki liked Mauryabhan. She was impressed by both his skills and looks. Sidhartha always felt sad as he thought, no one should judge anyone to be better unless they are put against each other under similar circumstances. By saying this he meant, he will show that I am the better than Mauryabhan by winning the final competitions. Mauryabhan on the other hand was always quiet. He liked Karuvaki too and knew that she likes him. They never shared their feelings though.

        Guru Birupaksha had an announcement to make. He had decided that it’s time for him to select his successor for the skills he has. But that would be decided through a series of competitions involving various weapons. As per the rule of the “Ast-astra Vidya”, the successor can’t be blood relative. So Karuvaki is not participating. The competition happened for the whole day. Sidhartha defeated Mauryabhan in the task that required skills of bow and arrow. In the of sword fight, it was evident that Mauryabhan will defeat him and it happened too. Had Sidhartha won that round, he would have got what he dreamt of. After the event, that night Mauryabhan told Sidhartha: “I can’t see you win over me. And I can’t defeat you either. Let’s see which of these things I believe more. The problem is, I don’t have time till tomorrow, to see this.” Sidhartha could not understand, but replied: “Don’t worry. None of us will die before realizing, who was the better man.” Since there was no clear winner, Birupaksha asked for another day where he will give both the finalists one task. Whoever would complete that would be declared the winner.

        Sidhartha knew, he had to win it. If not for himself, then for the dignity of his father. That night Guru Birupaksha came to Sidhartha to talk about something. He told him “I know you since you were a kid. I see you no less than Mauryabhan. But if I judge both of you as my opponent in the battlefield, I find him more focused and confident. That is what makes me scared to be his opponent. You are no way less than him, but you lack that focus. The day you will bring it in you, you can defeat him, and even me.” Sidhartha was so touched by this that he promised “If Mauryabhan wins this competition; I will never show you my face again.”

        Next day was the final day. No one knew what task Birupaksha will give both the. Before he final task, Sidhartha asked Karuvaki “Whom would you like to win. I or Mauryabhan?” She answered “I would be honest. I would stand for the person I love. So I would like Mauryabhan to win as I love him.” Siddhartha smiled and replied: “I used to think the same as you think. But I would rather stand for the people who loved me and against the person who didn’t. No matter what, he is not winning today.”

        To everyone’s surprise, Mauryabhan was nowhere to be found. No one had any idea where he went. It was a shock for all and specially for Karuvaki. Sidhartha knew, Mauryabhan is not that kind of person who would escape such an event. They searched for him for many days, but could not find any trace of him. No one knew where he came, where he had gone now.

        Four years have been passed now. It was the 261 BC. Kalinga was threatened by a power, 20 times of its size. And this enemy was not any ordinary one. This is the biggest force that ever ruled India. It was the greatest Of Mauryan king, Ashoka.

        Ashoka (means "painless, without sorrow") (304–232 BCE), was son of the Mauryan emperor Bindusara and was the grandson of Chandragupta Maurya. During his reign, Mauryan empire had the largest expansion. He was believed to be a barbarous man, who proclaimed himself as the worthy king by killing all his brothers. He was also known as “Chand-Ashoka”(Chand=Cruel). He had a huge army and rarely any king challenged him in war.

[ Mauryan Empire before Kalinga war ]

       With such a huge army and hunger to conquer everything, he is about to attack Kalinga now. Raja Anantha Padma, the King of Kalinga, knew that his army strength is nothing compared to that of Asoka. But Kalinga was not a land that will surrender itself to external forces.

        Everyone thought, the battle will not last long. But when Asoka saw the army of Kalinga in front of him at the battle ground, he was surprised to see their strength. Someone told him, “This is not the army that is standing in front of you. Every man and women of Kalinga has come out for their homeland”.

        However, the limited forces of Kalinga were still of no match for the Mauryan army, but There were times when they came very close to a victory at places. During the battle Asoka came to know that, there was a certain group that was giving the Mauryan army a tough time. It was no ordinary group. Their skills were unique for the Mauryan army to understand and fight. They were the “Adwaita”. Somebody also warned Ashoka that if this group battles, the way it was doing, there might be chances that Mauryas may lose. Such a brave king he was, Ashoka wanted to fight with the Adwaita personally. One by one he defeated them and the battle shifted to Mauryas' side again. He was the only man against whom, even Adwaita group was of no match. He kept on killing everyone one by one. Suddenly he saw a brave woman who was fighting nothing less than a tigress and was able to kill many of his soldiers. She was Karuvaki.

        Ashoka felt like the time is frozen for him. He dropped his sword and kept walking towards Karuvaki. When he went near her, she had almost raised her sword to kill him but she could not. Because, inside that face armour, she saw the face of someone she had never forgotten about.

        Only this man could defeat each of the members of the Adwaita group. Or maybe not. Far away from the battle field, a man was standing, with a bow in his hand and an arrow which was eager to be fired from it to hit the supposed target. He had a purpose to be there. The only visible part of Ashoka were his eyes which were not covered by the face armour, but this man was so skilled that, he could easily target them from such a long distance. He was Sidhartha. He wasn't shooting the arrow as he was confused. “Why isn’t she fighting with him? Why both of them has dropped their weapons?”. Assuming her life to be in danger, he ran into the battle field towards Karuvaki, with a sword in his hand. He killed anyone who came in his way. It was like a wave that was unstoppable. When he arrived near her, he saw Ashoka. There was a sense of vacuum that both of them felt. Both the men,  were looking at each other. Sidhartha told Ashoka: “Mauryabhan, I had told you that none of us is going to die till we know, who was the better fighter .Let’s find it out now.”. Sidhartha had his sword in his hand and Ashoka smiled and picked up his sword. He knew he was invincible with the sword. They started the sword fight. Within no time, Ashoka was on the ground as Sidhartha was able to defeat him. It was decided now. Ashoka could not believe he was defeated by Sidhartha in the sword fight. Sidhartha told him: “You were right. I might not have been able to defeat Mauryabhan. But today you are king Ashoka to me, who has attacked my motherland.”

        Before Ashoka could reply, an arrow came from a distance and pierced into the chest of Sidhartha. It was fired from a soldier of Ashoka. The battle was won by the Mauryan army and Sidhartha was the last yodhha (fighter) to be killed.

        Next morning when the sun rose, it was a little more red in colour. It is said that the The Daya River near which the Kalinga war was fought, had its water turned red in blood that day. Ashoka could see the battle ground full of dead bodies and blood and wounded soldiers. He could hear the groaning of those who were injured and mourning of orphaned children and wives who lost their nears and dears, Vultures were hovering over the dead bodies. At least 0.1 million Kalinga soldiers and almost equal number of Magadha soldiers were also killed. This battle which Ashoka thought, would be an easy one, was the bloodiest battle he had ever fought.

        Ashoka was filled with remorse. He thought to himself: “Whom will I rule now. Not a single man in Kalinga left now. I am responsible for all these.” A women approached to him and said: ”This war took my father, husband and son from me. Whom should I live for now. And whom will you think of ruling?”

       The Kalinga war prompted Ashoka to devote the rest of his life preaching “Ahimsa (non-violence)”. He later married Karuvaki . He stopped the military expansion of Mauryan empire and both of them spread Buddhism across the country.

      

Once Ashoka asked his wife Karuvaki: “I still have a question in mind. Why didn’t Sidhartha kill me when he could have easily done that? I was lying in front of him defeated and he had that sword in his hand.” Karuvaki replied: “If not by the sword, you still could not have defeated him. Because he was the only one in the Adwaita group to know the usage of the 8th weapon of the Ast-astra, the invisible one. Yet he could not kill you because, if you can remember you had saved his life once and he was indebted to you for it. ”

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         The legend of “Adwaita” died in history after the Kalinga war. But the bravery and devotion with which that group stood in front of the massive army of king Ashoka, it was commendable. History will never remember that last yodha(fighter) who knew the usage of the invisible weapon, who defeated the king. The last of its kind. The undefeated Adwaita.

The Paradise in The Heart

        Altaf was never interested in his father's business. Whenever his friend Rudra asked him the reason, he always told "What will I do? I am poor in math.” Rudra knew the reason was not that simple. Altaf had lost his mother in a terrible incident in the past. Two years ago, ISI militants had forcibly taken shelter in their home. His father being away, her mother had to do everything to protect her child. The valley was burning at that time and humanity was begging for its existence. That night when Army raided the village for the militants, there was a night long encounter. All the Militants were dead along with three army men. That night a child lost his mother. Altaf’s mother had sent him to Rudra's house that night and he survived. One can't imagine a child's state of mind and how he would see the world after such terrible incident. Altaf will never know who killed his mother. The  Army or the militants. So he has poured all the hatred to the valley. He hates it now.

        Rudra has a different story and life that he witnessed. He is influenced by the stories of their ancestors throughout his life. He has imbibed all the knowledge from his grandfather about Kashmiri Pandits, Shaivism and their ancient literature. He feels the valley as his home as well. He is also baffled by the way Pandits are being treated. The Pandits, who once laid the cultural foundation of the place, are mercilessly thrown away from their home. Their home are burnt, they are killed. The terrorist fundamentalists have made them flee out of the valley. Whoever did not, are living in constant fear and destitution.

        Kashmir is one of the most beautiful places in India. Enticed by its beauty, Mughal emperor Jahangir once called it "Paradise on Earth". Legend says- Kashmir(Sanskrit: kásmira) was named after the Kashyapa Rishi, an ascetic as “Kashyapmar”. When the lake Satisar was drained out, Kashyap brought the Brahmins there to live and with them they brought their philosophy and knowledge.

        Pandits were most ancient residents of the valley. It is their home. It has always been. They are influenced by the Maurya Empire and also by the Mughals.They are having more of Aryan traits and are decendants of Saraswata Muni and hence are Saraswat Brahmins, the highest order of Brahmins.

       Rudra's mother loved Altaf like her own son. After he lost his mother, he started calling her "Maa". His father being out of the village most of the time, he used to live with Rudra at his home.In the festivals like Monjaher Taeher, Gada Bhatta, Khyachi Mavas that were celebrated, Altaf loved to have the taeher rice, fish and Khichdi. Altaf and Rudra are friends since childhood. They are not best friends, they are brothers. The two shared every feeling with each other. Rudra can find the sorrow and anxiety inside Altaf who was struggling with his past. Altaf used to say: "This valley took my mother from me and many like us. It forced its residents flee to other places as if they are refugees here." Rudra used to tell in reply: "Soon, peace will be back to the Valley.  It's our homeland. We deserve to be here. Nobody from outside should come and tell us whom we should love and hate. This hatred you have, try to tame it. It will make you strong". Only Altaf knew that inside the composed and reserved guy, Rudra has conceived a volcano of anger which he has tamed. Altaf knew one more thing too. “This hope that has covered the anger inside Rudra, will break one day.”

        Rudra is upset tonight. They are not celebrating the festival, “ Khyachi Mavas”. In fact none of the Pandit families are. They are threatened by the terrorists this morning. That night after dinner Altaf and Rudra were listening the stories of Mahabharata, from Rudra's mother. Suddenly inside the silence of the night, they heard the voice s of people shouting and running.  Terrorists have atacked the Pandit families. They are shouting "Kashmiri Pandits... Leave Kashmir." Then some gun shots. No one had expected this attack. They were barging into every house and killing people blindly. Rudra's father was outside and they had no hope that he is returning. For Rudra, it was the time that long tamed anger was erupting. But Altaf knew this not the right time for this anger to come out. Altaf could relate this night to the night which took his mother from him forever. Now it has come again to take everything which he is left with. He thought to himself: “Ya Allah, Don’t take my mother from me, again.” He told Rudra: "Not now, my friend. Tame this anger for some more time. You have to take care of Maa now. I have a plan. I will open the door. They won't kill me. You escape from backside.”  Rudra and his mother though hesitant at first understood that they have no time. Meanwhile army was informed about the attack. When the terrorists knocked at the door. Altaf told Rudra:  “Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. The anger you always warned me about, I have to tame it now. You don’t lose your faith or hope. ” Rudra replied: “ My god has always been is inside . And I can see him in front of me now. ” That was the last time they met. They looked at each other for one second. Terrorists broke the door.  One of them  ran towards the bedroom and grabbed Altaf.  He asked: “Where are the Pandits?” Altaf replied: “I used to live with my family here. You killed them. Kill me if you want to”. The terrorists could not find anyone and left.

        While escaping the village, Rudra saw the houses being burnt to ashes. The whole darkness of night was engulfed by the fires coming out of the houses. They were rescued by the Army. Next day morning in Kashmir was a little more silent. It was like even the sun did not want to rise.  The news broadcasted:” Terrorists have attacked in a village in  the Valley. Pakistani ISI may have hands behind it.” Curfew was imposed in the area for two months. Rudra and his mother were taken to Jammu to stay on Kashmiri Pandit Camps. Even if they wanted to, Rudra could not come to his village for his friend now.  

        Three months have passed now. Life is returning to normal again in the Valley.  Rudra has come to his village again. All the houses are burnt. He found it hard to recognize where his home was. But he was not there for the home he had lost that night. His mother wants her other child. But there was nothing, no one. Even the birds in the nearby trees have left their nests. He cried loudly like a baby. He could not believe he has lost his brother.  Nobody knew what happened with Altaf. That night was not any other night in the Valley. It separated an Altaf from and a Rudra.

        Tourists come to the Valley to enjoy beauty of its mountains and lakes. Very few see the scars on the mountains and the tears in the lake water. But still the valley smiles. This is the best thing about its residents. Their heart is like mountains. It was attacked, stained, scarred over the ages. Just like nobody sees the cracks  on the mountain, these scars are not visible on their face either. Whether they are Muslims or the Pandits, they just want their home free from everyone else.  Deep inside this paradise, its beauty and culture, there is one Altaf and Rudra who wants their home, their paradise back.